Thoughts on Facebook vs. Reality: The argument for defriending

I spend a good amount of time thinking about social media and its effect on us. We've probably all read about the "Fakebook" phenomenon and "social media peacocking" (although maybe not with those terms). Yes, most people put their best foot forward on social media. It's a natural and reasonable thing to do. But the result is often unnatural comparisons that are detrimental to the self esteem of those on the receiving end.

If I look at my Facebook page right now, this is what I gather about "ME".

I'm a single woman in Atlanta who likes to make self-deprecating jokes, spends a lot of time in acting class and on set, enjoys her work and her family and a few close friends, is politically liberal and feels strongly about certain social justice issues, and is currently obsessed with Third Eye Blind. 

Look how much fun I have all the time!

That's all true, but so is this: 

I'm going through a rough time, my acne is driving me nuts and I have an addiction to picking at it so I'm on break from auditioning for my agent, I spend most of my time on my couch because that's where I work and relax, my apartment is a mess, I'm sad that I'm single because I'd like a family someday, and about every third day is just a complete struggle for a myriad of reasons.

As with most lives, mine is a mix of the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly.

Now, as someone who's pretty open, some of my struggles DO come out on social media. But for the average person, they don't. So most of us see a newsfeed filled with happy plans, happy families, funny posts, perhaps a politically-charged rant or two.

People aren't going to start sharing their worst sides online, so what's the solution? Well, I don't know THE solution, of course, but I think one big step is to minimize your friend list.

If I quickly look through my closer friends on Facebook I see friend counts like 1300, 1100, 2200. Even some of my older friends, which is relevant due to when Facebook became popular, etc., I see 700, 800. I know that at one point my total was also over 1000. It's now at 422 due to much defriending and selectiveness on accepting new requests.

Why? Because the number of people I talk to with any consistency is not anywhere close to 1000. Let's say it IS 422 (even though I know it's less), that means if I weren't a frequent defriender with a new approach, I'd be seeing updates from 658 people that I know nothing current about EXCEPT what's on Facebook. 658 people who exist in my mind as their happiest, best selves just sitting there and waiting to be used for comparison.

Now I know Facebook has its algorithms, but we still see way more than it makes sense for us to see without seeing the not so peachy-keen flip side of people's lives. On the other hand, if I see my best friend or sister or favorite castmate posting good things about life, I can simply smile and celebrate with them ... because I do know it's not the full reality. I don't get pulled into any fantasy world. These are my friends and I'm happy to see them happy ... and happy to hug them when they're not so happy.

So I think managing your friend list with a bit of self-interest in mind is a good idea. Alternatively, you could create groups and choose not to see updates or share updates with the people who aren't regularly in your life ... since defriending can come across as a bit dramatic. OR you can switch to Google+ ...

Your thoughts?